Why?

This week we have been volunteering in an amazing homeless shelter in Oklahoma City, OK. This afternoon we had the opportunity to serve by listening. A service that I am beginning to realize many people overlook, but is extremely important in relational ministry.

Barbara, a lady who just entered the "homeless realm" yesterday, was a little hesitant, yet eager to share her story with anyone who wanted to listen. Her story just happened to fall on my naive ears. Barbara has experienced a life that I used to read about in books...a life that nobody really wants to imagine is true. She was born to a mother who was 51 years of age. Her father abused her at an early age until she was 16. When she was a toddler, her mother used to drag her across the floor and give her a potent drug (I don't remeber the name) that would knock her out so she would not cry and draw the attention from her father. She just remembers bits and pieces of her childhood because her doctor believes that she is trying to block out horrible memories of molestation by her father and older brothers. One side effect of her child hood abuse is that she cannot wear anything tied around her wrists...because memories reappear when she was tied to a chair by her wrists and stuck into a storage closet for days on end.

At age 16, Barbara was married and one year later she had her first child. She soon left her husband. Over the next few years she had two more children. They have all since moved away and started families of their own. They do not stay in contact with their mother. Barbara knows she has grandkids but is not allowed to see them. She has served jail time for getting tricked into pawning off somthing for her friend. A past boyfriend stole all her money to buy himself drugs. When she confronted him (and was out of money), he kicked her out and burned her car. She is fully aware that people take advantage of her on a daily basis, but she doesn't know how to stop it. One of her solutions was death. She has attempted suicide at least two times throughout her life. Once when she was eight and another time just two weeks ago on Thanksgiving. She overdosed on her blood pressure medication and was in ICU for three days.

Barbara is a 55 year old mother, grandmother, ex-wife, daughter, sister and friend who has been abandoned by all...She is tired and scared and nervous and sad. She knows God is there, but wonders where He is. By this time in the conversation, she has a tear or two that drip down her cheek.

I don't really know how to respond. I know God is just and sovereign, but I will admit that as a human being staring at injustice immediately in front of my face, it is hard not to ask the question, "Why?"

Stephanie